The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
