I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
