just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
