Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
