i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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