i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
