Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
ttyl tear gas
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
