I will die if light touches me.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
