what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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