WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this beer tastes like vomit already
How's work?
Spinning.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
