what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
