Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
