I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
