hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize