You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
