butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize