drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
