I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
