I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
