hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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