whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
