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sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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