Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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