Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
