I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
