My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
