Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
