ya dads aren't the best wingmen
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
