He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize