Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
