my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He passed out mid-signature
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize