I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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