Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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