his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So much rum. So many feels.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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