he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
