I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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