If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
