Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
