im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
