I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize