Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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