OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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