i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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