That's intense
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
