So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
