I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
