bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
