Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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