giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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