saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
