he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize