wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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