All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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