my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Text me some of your sweat
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
