As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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