Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
