i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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