I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
