1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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