We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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