the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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