So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
