If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Let's paint friendship bongs
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
