So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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