She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
