I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
