now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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