Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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