i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize