just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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