Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
