I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
