Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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