I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
