I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
how do you play pong handcuffed?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
