Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
